Have you ever found yourself thinking, “God, please remove this person from my heart! Please help me stop loving them, caring about them or hoping they will love me back someday”?
If you have, then I want you to consider the following:
What if, the reason you cannot get someone out of your heart is that they are meant to be there in the first place?
You Were Made to Love
As a human being, you are wired for love and connection. Your survival depends on it. It is through others that you experience yourself, and it is by loving others that you learn to love yourself. It’s a bit of a paradox, isn’t it?
Your heart is the organ of love and connection. Like a 5-year-old child who joyfully plays with other children in the park, your heart longs to play with other hearts only for the sake of loving, having fun, and feeling joyfully connected.
Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places
But the moment you buy into the idea that only through that one person can you experience the love your heart longs for, at that moment you begin to look for love in all the wrong places. That’s when you become addicted…
Addicted to incessantly thinking about them all the time.
Addicted to doing anything you can to gain their love and attention.
Addicted to wondering how different it would be if they loved you back the way you love them.
My experience has taught me, through many painful heartbreaks, that each time I make another person the source of my love, I set myself up for failure and become enslaved to them. For no other person can fulfill what is ultimately a longing of your heart and soul. No one.
Only The Divine, God, or the Presence of Love, can do that.
Outta Your Head and Into Your Heart
Your mind is that part of you that thinks, rationalizes, and creates stories about the future and what is possible for your life. Your heart is that part of you that feels and knows what’s true, real and right for you. Your heart is also a loving place of appreciation, compassion, forgiveness, humility, understanding, and valor.
So, what if the way to get someone out of your head is to fully bring them into your heart? How would you go about doing that?
Here’s what I suggest:
Appreciate the time you shared together, those special moments and the not so special ones. Appreciate the qualities you saw in the other person that made you fall in love with them and what each of you brought to the relationship you had.
Feel compassion for yourself and for the other person. Give yourself permission to feel the heartbreak and the pain of your loss. Remember that each person is fighting their own battles in life and they are doing the best they can, given the current level of consciousness they are at.
Forgive yourself for what you did or did not do to create this situation, and forgive the other person for not loving you the way you wanted them to love you back. Set them free by cutting off any ties that bind you to that person and bless them as they go their way.
Be humble enough to admit that you placed too much time and energy thinking, hoping, and fantasizing about that person. That you made them the source of your love and what’s really breaking is not so much your heart, but your addiction to the story you created in your mind about the relationship you thought you had.
Understand that when it comes to our most intimate relationships, we are each other’s teacher and that it is through loving others that we learn to truly love ourselves. Ask yourself, “What did I learn or take away from this relationship? How can I use this new learning to improve my next one?”
Have the Valor to proclaim that you are free, open and available to receive love again and that you’ll trust the Divine Love within your heart to guide you towards the right and appropriate places to find the love your heart is longing for.
Keep Them Forever In Your Heart
Finally, continue to hold each person that you’ve ever loved or have been in a relationship with, forever in your heart. No exceptions. For once connected in your heart, even if you never see each other again in this lifetime, you’ll always remain connected through the Infinite Loving Heart of God.
The love you gave didn’t go to waste. Exponentially multiplied, sooner or later it will find its way back to you!
I hope this helps you find greater peace of mind and supports you along your path towards Emotional Self-Mastery.
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez