These days, nearly half the people who visit my blog do so because of a guide to soulmate love I wrote several years ago. Something I’ve never shared with you about this guide is that I actually wrote it for myself. You see, at the time, I had just ended what was one of the most painful relationships I’ve ever experienced, one that triggered much of my deep-seated emotional wounds. And it was in the midst of heartbreak that I took a good look at myself, and finally said, “That’s it! I’m not doing this anymore. There’s got to be a better way to do relationships, and get the love I want.”
That day marked the beginning of a new journey I’m still on… a path of the heart to soulmate love that, without doubt, has transformed me and the way I relate to others. When I look at myself these days, I sometimes can’t even recognize whom I’ve become for many of my beliefs, assumptions and attitudes about what it means to be in an intimate loving relationship have radically changed. This all started the moment I made the decision to follow a different path… the path to soulmate love.
What is the Path to Soulmate Love?
The path to soulmate love is the journey you embark on when you make the decision to love, honor and appreciate yourself enough to stop settling for less than you deserve or believe is possible, and courageously attract, welcome, create and enjoy the kind of relationship your heart has been longing for. Someone you’ll call your soulmate, but who in essence is the perfect recipient of your love, and represents a higher level of relating to yourself and the world.
Based on what I’ve learned in the past four and half years since I consciously decided to go on this journey, in this article I’d like to share with you what I believe are 12 clear signs that will let you know when you’re not on the path to Soulmate Love. My intention is to provide you with a guide that will help you identify when you’ve gotten of your path, so that you can return to it again and again when you get lost. And believe me, you will get lost.
But if you’re courageous, and choose to follow it, it will eventually and inevitably lead you to experiencing the kind of relationship that your heart and soul long for, a relationship with someone who is the best possible fit for you, someone with whom you can interact on all 4 levels of human connection, someone who unlocks the best parts of you and who shares your deepest longings and sense of direction in life. As Richard Bach said, someone who “has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks, and makes life come to life.”
12 Signs you’re not on the Path to Soulmate Love
You’re not on the path to soulmate love if…
1) You are afraid to make the commitment to attract, welcome, create and enjoy a soulmate relationship.
I believe that in life, we don’t get what we want or what we need. We get what we commit to. The word commitment means to become ‘one with’. It has nothing to do with other people, but it has everything to do with embodying an idea, a quality, so that you live from it, each and every moment. When you commit to manifesting your soulmate you’re saying, in essence, that you’re ready for the next stage of your growth, development and evolution. Do you believe you can create a soulmate level relationship? Will you commit to manifesting it and doing whatever it takes to grow yourself so that you can welcome it into your life?
2) You’re not clear about who your soulmate is and is not.
Simply, if you don’t know where you’re going how will you know when you get there? If you don’t know who your soulmate is, how will you recognize him or her when you finally meet and start relating to them? Have you taken the time to do some soul-searching and define what it is you truly want, hope for, desire, need, and require from the person you’ll be in a soulmate relationship with? Have you also taken the time to define what are the qualities or behaviors that would be an absolute deal breaker? What would being in such relationship look like, feel like, and sound like? What would an average day in your life look like if you were sharing your life with that special one?
3) You don’t know what are the unique gifts and qualities you’ll be bringing to the table.
Your soulmate will not be coming into your life to rescue you, make you happy, or save you. A soulmate is a friend and partner with whom you’ll be sharing your life. Someone who will love, nurture and support you while you love, nurture and support them. Someone who understands the power and beauty of a true soulmate union and will hold the space for love, even when you can’t. So, what will you be bringing to this relationship? What are your unique gifts and qualities that you will be sharing with your soulmate?
4) You don’t take time to regularly connect with your soulmate.
There’s plenty of scientific research that has proven that people who are thousands of miles away can actually affect each other’s heartbeat and capacity to experience love simply by thinking loving thoughts about each other. What makes a soulmate level relationship special, is precisely this ‘energetic’ connection you’ll feel with them that transcends the physical, mental, even the emotional planes. So, are you taking the time to regularly connect with your soulmate at this energetic, soul level? He or she is your ‘soul’ mate, so start connecting with them now by sending out a Soulmate call.
5) You haven’t started healing and opening your heart.
To be human is to risk being wounded. Whether you experienced a difficult childhood, or were rejected, or abused by a previous lover, the fact is that deep down at the level of the heart, we all have emotional wounds that need healing. The preparation for attracting and welcoming your soul mate requires that you make a conscious commitment to start healing the deepest wounds of your heart. Are you aware of your deepest childhood wounds? Have you initiated the process of healing your heart, and releasing that old emotional baggage you keep holding onto, so that you can create space for new love in your life?
6) You have a ‘passenger on your car’, or someone you’re addicted or attached to.
Is there someone you’re still in love with but they don’t love you back? Are there any past relationships in your life that are still unresolved or you’re still addicted to? Are you in a relationship with someone you know deep inside is not your soulmate, but you’re afraid to leave them because you’re afraid of being alone, or that you might not find someone better for you. Or perhaps you fallen victim of the False Soulmate Syndrome, and you’re desperately trying to make someone your soulmate when they clearly are not? Do you have friends with benefits, f*ck buddies, or anyone else you know is not your soulmate but that your’e using ‘in the meantime’? If your answer is yes, then it might be time you say adios to them all so that you can create both the physical, emotional and energetic space for the relationship you do want.
7) You’re avoiding falling in love with yourself.
The more you learn to fully love and accept yourself, the more you’ll learn to recognize other people’s love, too. Are you loving yourself and accepting yourself just the way you are, with all your quirks and idiosyncrasies? Are you learning to accept your weaknesses, your strengths, your limitations, your guilt and insecurities as part of your make-up? Can you be happy now, and grow in your capacity to be more loving, more accepting, more giving? The path to soulmate love requires you to grow yourself into the kind of person you’ll eventually attract into your life.
8) You haven’t created space for your soulmate in your life.
As your life is today, do you have the time and energy for a deep, loving, healthy relationship? Do you have room in your life for your soulmate? Perhaps, since you’ve been single you’ve been working late hours, and have very little free time to go out on dates and meet new people. If you don’t start creating time and space to be with people you love and enjoy being with, you’re sending out a clear message to the Universe that you’re not ready to welcome your soulmate into your life. What could you start doing today to create room in your life for that special someone? What is it that you have let go in order to create such space?
9) You’re not being the most real and authentic version of yourself.
Are you willing to, more than ever, be yourself with every person that you meet, and in every situation – no matter how casual the encounter might seem? Andy Warhol used to say, “Be yourself because everyone else is already taken”, so the more you are yourself, the faster your soulmate will recognize you. Remember, they are also looking for someone unique just like you, so when you stop being your self, you’re also stopping them from recognizing you. What would being fully you look and feel like? What is the most amazing life you could create from this place, that will inevitably draw the perfect parter to you?
10) You’re not surrounded by positive, uplifting and supportive people.
Along this journey, you’re going to have good days and not so good days. Therefore, you need to have the support of other guides, friends and mentors along the way. Why? Because bringing all of life’s challenges into one relationship, especially with your romantic partner, will place a very heavy burden on your relationship, not to mention draining the sexual and creative energy from it. So, do you have a support team – which includes a network of therapists, counsellors, coaches, healing professionals, trusted friends and mentors whom you can count on? Are you willing to release or let go of any friends, family members, or anyone else that is not supporting your commitment to create this kind of loving relationship?
11) You’re not exploring the mysterious and the new.
Because you have no idea when or where that special person could walk into your life, it’s very important that you remain open and available to new experiences and new opportunities that will be coming your way. Are you exploring meeting new people, being vulnerable, inviting others to come into your life, telling your truth, and connecting with others from your heart and soul? Are you willing to let go or surrender all pre-conceived ideas and drop all your expectations of how, and with whom it is to happen and continue to focus on ‘what’ you want by being fully available and present in each and every moment? Are you willing to open to the mystery that’s unfolding each day in your life with the awe and wonder of a 5-year-old child?
12) You’re dreading being single instead of enjoying it.
When you finally meet your soulmate, you’ll look back upon these days of being single and cherish all the miles you travelled to finally meet them. So, are you fully accepting, and enjoying your present condition? Are you living up the time you’re single and can enjoy sleeping alone, the pleasure of doing what you want and when you want it, of spending your money on yourself? More importantly, can you be grateful for where you are right now on your journey? This is the time to pamper yourself, to prove how valuable you are and to take the time to do all those special things you’ve always wanted to do. The time to fulfill your desires is now. What are you waiting for to start truly enjoying yourself and all that life has to offer you?
Finally, remember that the path to soulmate love is ultimately the journey of opening and following the wisdom of your heart and soul so that you can welcome the kind of relationship your heart has been secretly longing for. One that will allow you to go way beyond you’ve ever dared to go before, deeper and wider into those aspects of yourself that have been hidden from you until now.
The poet Rumi once said, ‘Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” He also said that, “On this path let your heart be your guide for the body is hesitant and full of fear.”
So, starting today, how about you start listening more to your heart, and begin to love, honor and appreciate yourself enough to courageously go after 100% the kind of relationship that will blow your mind, make your heart sing, and make your soul soar? You owe it to yourself, your friends and family, and the world.
Photo by Brian Mann