I believe that one of the best gifts you can give others is sharing your true feelings. If you’re not used to sharing the more, real, vulnerable and authentic aspect of yourself, this may take some work. Let’s face it, once you open up to sharing this deeper aspect of yourself, you risk being rejected, criticized, even judged.
Not doing so also means others around you, especially those who have impacted deeply, don’t get to know the real you. And that is very sad. We are here for such a short time…
But, if you do, you’ll eventually experience the peace and freedom that comes from sharing what is ultimately true and real for you.
With that in mind, here are 3 mistakes you want to avoid when sharing your feelings.
Mistake #1: You don’t’ share your feelings!
I know it sounds silly, but many people never share them. Either they do not get around to it, don’t know how, or are afraid of getting rejected by their loved ones if they speak out.
Share your feelings! Make it a goal to share at least one feeling with someone before your head hits the pillow tonight. While it is unlikely that you will get rejected, even if you do, most people will react positively if you share more of yourself with them. Every time you share your feelings, you build intimacy. If you do have problems identifying or communicating your feelings, seek out a trusted professional for help.
Mistake #2: You Share your Thoughts Instead!
This happens all the time and it goes something like this, “I feel that I’m a good person and that if you really love me, you would do this for me.” This is actually a thought disguised as a feeling!
Share the actual feeling! Feelings are normally expressed in a single word: anger, fear, love, anxiety, neutral, flat, excited, connected, grandiose, etc. Before you speak, take a moment to truly feel into your emotions, and then, once you’ve perceived it, go ahead and describe it with a simple word. If you feel fear then say, “I feel fear”. Above all resist the temptation to go into the story about why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. Instead, try to stick to the facts. For example, let’s say your boyfriend got home late and you’re feeling scared. Try saying, “When you didn’t arrive on time, I felt scared.” It takes some practice, but you can do it!
Mistake #3: You Act them Out!
It happens all the time. Because most of have a tendency to repress and withhold our feelings, eventually you can’t contain yourself and you end up exploding in anger, sarcasm, or even rage. The consequences of acting out your feelings can be very destructive, and push others away from you!
Learn to be with your Feelings! I call this the ‘middle way’, where you don’t repress them, and you don’t act them out. You simply give yourself permission to allow them, sit with them, explore them, even letting them speak to you. Every feeling is a unit of emotional energy, with tons of information for you. Remember, your heart communicates with you through feelings. All you have to do is listen for the guidance each feeling brings with it, often times letting you know a particular situation in your life is out of alignment.
Feel free to share your comments below.
Photo by Caleb Jones