Seven years ago my life sucked.
I was working for a non-profit organization who couldn’t afford to pay me, and I was spread out thin working on several projects that required much energy but saw little financial benefit.
As a result, I always felt stressed out about money and anxious about my future.
Almost every night, I’d go to sleep thinking that I just wasn’t living the life I knew in my heart I am here to live. “This is not what I signed up for,” I would tell myself. Things had to change. But I had no idea how to or where to even begin.
I remember this one night when I was feeling particularly helpless, afraid, and lonely that I just wished I would not wake up the next day. I wanted to die in my sleep, peacefully and quietly.
The truth is, I would rather go peacefully into the good night than continue to bear the pain of not living the life I knew I came here to express. And as I fell asleep, I remember praying to God and saying, ‘God, please help me, take this all away from me. I’m ready to let it all go. I release this life, all my circumstance, please make it all go away!’
The next morning when I woke up, I look around to see if my prayer was answered. But nothing had changed. I still felt the same way. No one had come. I was still alive, and all my circumstances were all the same.
That’s when I noticed a new thought appearing in my mind…
“No one is coming… no one is going to come to rescue me, save me, tell me everything is going to be okay or fix things for me. Not until I’m first willing to show up for myself, and come home to me.”
Without knowing it, I was about to make one of the three most important decisions you need to make if you want to create meaningful, transformative, and sustainable changes in your life.
What are these three decisions that will change your life?
Let me share them with you…
3 Decisions that will CHANGE your Life
Decision #1: Deciding to Show Up Fully for Yourself
Woody Allen said it best when he said, “80% of success in life is just showing up.” The decision to show up fully for yourself is indeed the decision to reclaim your power, and recognize yourself once and for all as the creator or owner of your life experience.
The way I did this was by first permitting myself to first feel the pain of being out of alignment with the person I know in my heart I really am. Then, by recognizing how all the current circumstances I was experiencing in my life where the result of choices I had made along the way.
Gulp! This was a tough, painful, but necessary first step!
Decision #2: Deciding It’s Time to Change
In his book Why Your Life Sucks and What To do About it, author Allan Cohen says, “When your life sucks, that’s serious. It’s a big wake-up call. It’s an invitation to do something different. Not more of the same.”
So, if your life sucks and you’re feeling deeply dissatisfied with where you are, what if you could start seeing your current life experience as the invitation to release or let go of all the excuses, addictions, or patterns that are holding you back from having what you really want?
Every master was first a disaster. So, if your life is a disaster, and it sucks, how about then changing your perspective and start seeing it as an invitation for mastery?
For me, the moment I accepted the invitation to start doing things differently was the same moment I decided to change, and change for good. This meant leaving the non-profit, and releasing several projects I had said yes to, but knew my heart was not really into them. It also meant leaving several relationships behind and embracing the feelings of loss and uncertainty that came up.
Decision #3: Deciding who is going to help you change
As a high achiever introvert, one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn along my life journey is learning to ask for help.
For many years I tried to do it all by myself and, I must admit it worked for a while. But when it comes to those deeper, more meaningful changes you know in your heart you need to make – the journey into the heart of what’s truly important and significant to you – for those changes you need a mentor or teacher to help you along.
The key is to remember that when the hero is ready for the journey, the mentor ALWAYS shows up. This mentor can often be a teacher, good friend, coach, group program, a spiritual guide, book, or something or someone who, in essence, acts as a guide to remind you of the wisdom and courage that live within your own heart. Remember, you are not here to do it all on your own!
For me, the decision to get some help came when I hired John Michaels, my first coach. And it was while working with him that I began to not only re-invent myself but also connect with the desire or inner calling that eventually lead me to become a heart intelligence coach. When I look back on those days, I now realized that I really could not have done it without his wisdom, love, and support.
3 Questions for You…
In summary, the three questions you need to be asking yourself if you genuinely want to make deep, meaningful and sustainable changes in your life are…
- Are you ready to start showing up fully for yourself?
- Are you ready to change? and
- Who do you want to guide you or support you during this transition?
Answering these three questions will help you not only create the change in your life that your heart is longing for, but also grow yourself into the person you came here to be.
Once you do, your life will move from sucking to THRIVING!
That’s what these questions did for me… they change my life! And I know the answers you come up with could change yours.
Feel free to leave me your comments below.
From my heart to yours.
Photo by Ian Dooley