To be human is to experience the pain of feeling disconnected from the whole. Within each heart there’s a spiritual longing to be united with someone or something greater outside of ourselves so that we don’t have to feel the pain of being alone.
In an effort to ease this pain, when we finally meet someone we feel close or connected to, we open our hearts unconditionally so that we can experience the vastness within ourselves and the other.
This blissful space, this profound vastness, provides a temporary relief from the pain of being alone; from feeling separate and disconnected from the whole.
For a brief time, we feel safe, held, seen, loved. It is as if this person possesses some magical power that can save us from our pain, our loneliness, from ourselves.
We’re instantly hooked…
“I’ve found the one I’ve been looking for”, we tell ourselves. The one that will make your pain and sadness go away. The one that will complete you, and make things alright again. “I’ve finally found my soulmate.”
And we expect this ‘soulmate’, this other imperfect human who is essentially just like us, with their own fears, insecurities, limitations and brokenness, to somehow fulfill what is intrinsically a spiritual longing of our hearts and souls.
We expect them to not only be our best friend, partner, life-time companion, adventure buddy, but also the best sex we’ve ever had, all-in-one. Like the printer-scanner-copier-fax machine I have at home.
Isn’t this putting too much pressure on another human being and on ourselves?
Are we not setting ourselves up for failure when we expect to find someone who ‘ticks’ all our boxes so that we can feel happy, secure and complete?
No wonder why so many of us struggle to find our soulmates! Specially when we go about attracting or manifesting them as if they were a new car, a different career or your ideal job.
To me, a soulmate is not a person. Rather it is a title we give someone who agrees to be with us in a soulmate level relationship, or partnership that looks like a full-on romance, but also has a strong spiritual basis.
A soulmate relationship is a way of relating to another that acknowledges the humanity within each of us, and allows us to come together for the purpose of loving, nurturing and supporting each other so that we can grow.
What makes him or her my ‘soulmate’, is that we BOTH consciously choose and agree to use our relationship as a vehicle for personal transformation and spiritual growth. As a vehicle for healing our inner child, emotional wounding, and for us to become the most unconditionally loving and joyful versions of ourselves.
This type of relationship, rather than being a preconceived idea borrowed from Hollywood or Bollywood films, romantic novels, or Medieval Troubadours, serves the purpose of helping each partner wake up to their greatest potential, and the infinite loving presence available within each other’s heart.
Your ‘soulmate’, rather than a destination you’ll someday get to, is someone who joins you on the lifetime journey of reclaiming those aspects of yourself that appears to be missing or lost, acting like a pristine mirror that helps you take a good look at the real you.
What if, instead of trying to find your soulmate right now, you first walked the single path towards becoming the most loving, authentic, and real version of yourself and then see who is irresistibly drawn to you, and wants to join your walk?
What if, what makes you ‘true’ soulmates is not that some psychic or spiritual medium told you so, or that you have a certificate hanging on your wall, but your conscious decision to walk The Path to Soulmate Love together, side by side?
What if, you could let go of that person you’re convinced is your soulmate, but who is not wholeheartedly interested in being with you, and instead you created space in your life to welcome someone who genuinely wants to join you on the lifetime adventure towards Soulmate Love?
Can you love yourself enough to go after such love?
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Photo by Sebastian Pichler