I believe that one of the best gifts you can give others is sharing your true feelings with them. If you’re not used to expressing the more real, vulnerable and authentic aspects of yourself, this may require some work. Let’s face it, once you open up to sharing how you truly feel about another person, you risk being rejected, criticized, or even judged.
The cost of not doing so means that others around you don’t get to know, feel and experience the real you. And I think that is very sad. We are here for such a short time that anyone who makes you feel that deeply and intensively deserves to know how they make you feel.
With that in mind, here are 3 mistakes people make when sharing their feelings:
Mistake #1: You don’t share your feelings!
I know it sounds silly, but many people never share their feelings. Either they do not get around to it, don’t know how, or are afraid of getting rejected by their loved ones if they speak out.
Share your feelings! Make it a goal to share at least one feeling with someone before your head hits the pillow tonight. While it is unlikely that you will get rejected, even if you do, most people will react positively if you share more of yourself with them. Every time you share your feelings with someone, you build greater intimacy and connection.
Mistake #2: You Share your Thoughts Instead!
This happens all the time and it goes something like this, “I feel that I’m a good person and that if you really love me, you would do this for me.” This is actually a thought disguised as a feeling!
Share the actual feeling! Feelings are normally expressed in a single word: anger, fear, love, anxiety, neutral, flat, excited, connected, grandiose, etc. Before you speak, take a moment to truly feel into your emotions, and then, once you’ve identified it, go ahead and describe it with a simple word. If you feel fear then say, “I feel fear”. Above all resist the temptation to go into the story about why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. Instead, try to stick to the facts. For example, let’s say your boyfriend got home late and you’re feeling scared. Try saying, “When you didn’t arrive on time, I felt scared.” It takes some practice, but you can do it!
Mistake #3: You Act them Out!
It happens all the time. Because most of have a tendency to either repress, suppress or escape our feelings, eventually you can’t contain yourself and you end up exploding in anger, sarcasm, or even rage. The consequences of acting out your feelings can be very destructive and push others away!
Learn to embrace and be with your feelings! I call this the ‘middle way’, where you don’t repress them, and you don’t act them out. You simply give yourself permission to allow them, sit with them, explore them, and even let them speak to you. As I share in my free, three-part video series on How to Achieve Emotional Mastery, every feeling you have is giving you information about both your inner and outer environment.
Finally, remember that your heart communicates with you primarily through feelings. Therefore, the surest and fastest way to communicate with someone else’s heart is by sharing your true feelings with them.
Feel free to leave me your comments below.
Photo by Caleb Jones